Pat
and I were talking the other day about when we were expecting Evie.
Everything was so new and exciting, and we spent so much time preparing
for her arrival.
I remember things so vividly from that time. We had no idea what to
expect when it came to having a baby and we put so much thought into
every decision from what blankets to buy to her pediatrician. We were
taking this giant leap into parenthood and we really
had no concept about how much life, how much we, would change. Every
moment from the day we found out that Evie was coming, was new for us. I
miss those days sometimes. The anticipation and naivetés we had before
everything changed. Not that I would change
one thing about where we’re at today. Because I wouldn’t. But I get a
little jealous when I hear about someone expecting their first baby
because I remember how it was. I remember how it was to sit and think
about dressing up my little baby in the tiny
clothes I’d washed or rocking my new baby to sleep in the perfect
nursery we’d made. I didn’t know yet that I’d cringe a little when I’d
have to change yet another outfit that got spit up on. I didn’t know
then that sometimes babies have sleepless nights
and you’re not always rocking them peacefully in the nursery, but
pacing the hallway at 3am.
I remember imagining all of fun and wonderful times we’d have together,
the places I’d proudly take my baby and how much I’d love them. I
didn’t know then that fun
times are mixed in with tears and moments that make you want to pull
your hair out and run screaming for the hills. I didn’t know then that
sometimes leaving the house with children requires more effort that I
have to give and it’s just easier to stay home.
I didn’t know then just much, how all-encompassing, how unconditional
my love for my children would be, even when they are driving me crazy. I
didn’t know then how wonderfully hard being a parent can be.
Pat
and I talk a lot about the differences between when we had Evie and
when we had Mitchell. Given that there was only two years between the
two events, you’d think
that not too much would have changed. But really, so many things are
different. With our first, everything was such a huge production
because it was all so new. By the time Mitch came, Pat and I felt like
old pros (at least a little) and most things were no long that big a
deal. Even pregnancy was different the second time around, in terms of
my thought process and actions. I just knew more of what to expect.
Pregnancy with Evie
·
Researched
everything to make sure it was safe; afraid to move the wrong way or I
might hurt the baby; lots of rest; didn’t worry too much about my blood
platelets; spent oodles of time picking out baby stuff; took classes on
breastfeeding and childbirth; bought new nursing tops, new pajamas and
new robe for the hospital; had my bag packed ahead of time; had several
coming home outfits for Evie; never went
into labor and didn’t have to endure much pain before the epidural
kicked in. |
| Evie |
· Still researched a lot, but I already knew what was safe for pregnancy for the most part; didn’t have time to worry about how the wrong movement might affect the baby because I was too busy running after and picking up my toddler; didn’t get a lot of rest; worried a lot about low blood platelets and thrombocytopenia; didn’t take any classes (unless you count the natural childbirth video that was made sometimes in the late ‘80s that Pat and I watched); didn’t buy any new stuff for the hospital because I knew I’d stay in the hospital gown (why get new clothes dirty if you don’t have to!); didn’t have a bag packed until 5 minutes before we ran out the door to the hospital; didn’t pack a coming home outfit for the baby because we didn’t know what we were having (Pat brought it later); was in labor all day and only had an epidural for less than an hour at the end.
 |
| Mitch |
First Weeks with Evie
·
Nursing
was HARD; lots of tears and fretting that she wasn’t getting enough to
eat; weekly weight checks; lots of rest; held Evie constantly; picked
her
up every time she made a noise because we weren’t sure if something was
wrong; lots of sleepless nights; woke her up to feed her and, again,
picked her up every time she made a noise; sterilized everything,
sometimes multiple times a day; was afraid to drive
with her in the car or go somewhere by myself with her for a while and
didn’t leave the house for over two weeks. Evie’s room was ready
before she was born, all of the clothes were washed and put away and the
swing was set up. |
| Evie |
First Weeks with Mitch
·
Nursing
was so much easier for day one; only had two weight checks; not as much
rest since I had toddler and a baby to care for; held Mitchell a lot,
but
not constantly. He has had a lot more time in his swing and play mat;
did not wake him up to eat after we came home from the hospital; kept
the room quiet and dark when he got up to eat in the middle of the night
and put him right back to sleep; sterilized
stuff once, but it may not be sterilized again for a several
days/weeks; had to drive with both kids less a week after he was born to
go to the doctor and then the grocery store and it didn’t even phase
me. Mitchell still doesn’t have a room. I feel a little
bit bad about that, but not really because he still sleeps next me to
me. Evie barely used her room for the first 6 months of her life so I
didn’t worry too much about having Mitch’s room not being done from day
one. It’ll get done and he’ll be fine. Babies
don’t care about their rooms. |
| Mitch |
Life With Evie
·
Everything
revolved around her. We focused on nursing at the same times every
day, what bottles to use, what sort of new-fangled baby contraption to
buy.
We analyzed every noise she made…is she sick? Does she need a diaper
change?; Is she hungry? Tired? I lost it when Evie got sick the first
time with a cold I took off work and sat in our room with her for the
entire day next to the humidifier, saline spray
and warm wash clothes. We took pictures and documented every
expression she made and every new thing she did and her baby book is
completely filled out. I loved to hold Evie constantly, even when she
was sleeping. I always wanted to do everything myself
when it came to Evie and I didn’t like accepting help. I worried about
Evie constantly when she started daycare. I spent a lot of time
worrying that I wasn’t doing the right thing. It was so odd for me to
be the one making the decisions. I knew how to
babysit and follow the instructions of other parents, but it was a
whole new world to be the one making the decisions. I worried that I
was doing things wrong and that inevitably screw up my baby for life. |
| Evie |
Life With Mitchell
·
Most
of time, Evie is demanding more attention that Mitch. He’s along for
the ride. We’ve been down the newborn road before so we aren’t so
focused on
what we think we should do. We focus on what works. I nurse Mitch
when he’s hungry. We use the bottles we used with Evie. If he doesn’t
like them, we’ll get new ones I guess. We don’t want to clutter up the
house any more than necessary with baby stuff
so we barely bought anything new. We still take a lot of pictures,
but only half of them are of Mitchell. The other half are of Evie.
Mitchell’s baby book remains unwritten in, but I’ve printed out pictures
to put in it and I keep promising that I’ll fill
it out just as soon as I have time. I love holding Mitch, but I
understand the value of putting him down to sleep and not disturbing
him. I am learning to appreciate the value of letting other people
help. I still do a lot myself, but I’m learning to let
other people do stuff too. I still worry about my kids while they are
in daycare, but not nearly as much. Evie has been in with a babysitter
for over two years now and she’s doing great so I’m confident that
Mitchell will do fine too. It’s not as odd to
be the one making the parenting decisions the second time around, but
I’m still in awe sometimes that we’re responsible for two kids. I still
worry that I’m doing something wrong or that I’m screwing up my kids,
but I know that will never change. We’re doing
the best we can. Some days are better than others. On the bad days,
after the kids are asleep, Pat and I will have a cocktail and promise to
do better tomorrow.  |
| Mitch |
I’d
say overall that we are much more relaxed when it comes to Mitchell.
It helps that he seems to be a naturally laid-back little guy. We’ve
evolved into more confident
parents, but we still ask a lot of questions. We want to do the best
that we can for our kids, but we know that sometimes we’re going to make
mistakes. That doesn’t make up bad people or horrible parents. It
makes us human and just like everyone else.
Pat and I each have our strengths and weaknesses as parents and I think
that we balance each other out most of the time. Having two kids is so
different than having one, but I think we’re doing pretty well!
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