Yesterday Pat had a conference with Mitchell’s teachers. Nothing was wrong. It was just a mid-term conference to discuss how he’s doing. I was supposed to go on Tuesday at 3:00, but the kids had snow day and went to Titi’s for the afternoon so I ended up postponing it. Plus, we’ve been dealing with a stomach virus this week and I already had to take ½ a day off work on Monday and Wednesday so it was going to be hard for me to get out of work early. When I contacted his teachers to reschedule, they said that they could meet before his 9:30 class on Thursday because they know Pat is there dropping Evie off at 9 anyway. I hesitated about doing this. I really wanted to be the one to go to the conference. It’s not that I don’t trust Pat to do it because I absolutely do. I just feel this guilt. I guess it’s because I’m the mom and I feel like it’s mom job to do stuff like that. How silly is that?! This is 2018, not 1950. We are a two parent family. A two EQUAL parent family. Pat doesn’t just watch the kids when I can’t and follow my orders when it comes to them. Well…ok maybe it’s like that sometimes! Lol. But seriously. He’s perfectly capable of going to a Parent Teacher Conference and there is no reason why I should feel guilty. Intellectually, I know that. But it still bothers me. I almost told Pat to apologize for me to Mitchell’s teachers and let them know that I really wanted to be there. But I stopped myself because that is ridiculous. Pat would never have told me to apologize to Mitch’s teachers if he couldn’t go. He would have just accepted it and moved on with life. I can guarantee that he wouldn’t be writing a blog post about it.
It seems crazy. I’ve been a working mom for as long as I’ve been a mom and I still struggle with this guilt. I like being a working mom for the most part. Sure it took me awhile to get there, but now I’m used to it and I like having a life outside of my kids. It can get complicated sometimes to juggle school schedules and work schedules and sickness and extracurricular activities and appointments and whatever else, but that’s life. That juggling wouldn’t change if I was a stay-at home mom. It might be slightly less complicated at times, but having a family means dealing with chaos and complications. Nothing is ever perfect.
I say all this and yet the guilt still lingers. I promised myself I’d have an attitude of gratitude this year though so I’ve going to put this guilt aside and remind myself why I’m thankful in this situation.
1) I have a steady job that allows me to contribute to the well-being of my family
2) My manager is understanding and allows me to adjust my schedule when needed. It hasn’t always been this way so I really appreciate that now!
3) I have a husband and partner that I can rely on and that doesn’t hesitate to step up and help our family.
4) Our kids attend a great school with flexible before and after care that we are able to take advantage of when we need it.
5) We have a wonderful support system, especially my mother-in-law. Since our kids started school, she had been a tremendous help to us, picking up the kids and dropping everything to help us out if we need her. We’d be lost without her!
By the way, Mitch is apparently doing great in school! His teachers didn’t have any concerns. He’s social, he follows directions well and he shares. He is learning to write his name and is getting better at identifying letters and numbers. They did mention that sometimes they have a hard time understanding what he is saying. I guess if it continues to be an issue, we can have a speech evaluation, but they weren’t really concerned yet. He’s still young and it may work itself out. He loves to talk, but even I don’t understand everything he is saying at times. I’m grateful that he’s doing so well!
You are so silly to have that guilt. But trust me, you won't feel so guilty when they get older and you know things haven't been going well and you really don't want to meet with the teacher. You'll conveniently and gladly find any excuse you can to get out of the meeting!! "Tag you're it, Pat!"
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