Kiki is the best

Tonight we FaceTimed with my mom.  She's home with Holly and feeling good.  SO GOOD!  I can't even describe how happy this makes me feel.  This weekend scared me.  I've always known that what she has is serious and life threatening, but once she finally started responding positively to her treatments... I guess I didn't focus so much on that.  I focused on how strong she is and how I KNEW that she was going to beat this.  This weekend was the first time in awhile that I was reminded of just how serious this all is, how fast things can change - and just how incredibly strong my mom is. She had been through so much and I'm so happy that she is feeling good, eating more and really excited about the future.

Tonight was also the first time that the kids have seen Kiki since she shaved her head.  We've obviously been selective about what we've told Evie regarding my mom's cancer.  Earlier this year, Evie knew that Kiki wasn't feeling well and she that had to be gentle around her.  When my mom was in the hospital the first time, Evie briefly visited her.  She was a little nervous, but she was determined to see her Kiki.   We prayed for Kiki each night and Evie was so happy when my mom started feeling better.  We spent as much time as possible with my mom the past month because we know that the kids aren't going to be able to be around her much in the next few months.  This weekend, when my mom ended up in the hospital with an infection, Evie knew she had a fever, but that's it.  She was worried, but satisfied when I told her that the medicine was helping.  The day my mom shaved her head, I knew it wasn't something I could just not mention to Evie.  She would notice and ask questions so I told her the truth - Kiki took medicine that made her hair fall out.  She gasped, but didn't say anything (shocking if you know our Evie).  I told her that it was ok.  Kik was feeling better and she had some cool caps and a wig to wear.  I started to explain what a wig was and she interrupted me with "I know what a wig is!".  Later, when we Facetimed, Evie wanted to see Kiki immediately.  My mom was wearing a cap and Evie said "Kiki - you're Baldy Sue!".  My mom cracked up and Evie begged to see her head.  I kept quiet and my mom told her maybe next time.  And that was it.  Evie wanted to tell Kiki about her Shopkins and school and show off the Pokemon shirt Evie got her.  Mitch wanted to act like a maniac and show off his school bus shirt (that Kiki and Pops gave him).  Everyone laughed and enjoyed the all too brief interaction we got.  In the end, it was a Facetime call like all the others - chaotic.  The kids didn't care that Kiki doesn't have hair because ...she's KIKI.  They don't define her by her hair.  They define her by the love that she gives to them.  Kiki could have 10,000,000 hairs or zero - to them it doesn't matter.  As long as she loves them - and that's a given - they don't care.  After we got off the IPad, I told Evie that it was ok that Kiki didn't have hair.  She was still so beautiful and wonderful.  Evie looked at me like 'Duh!"  She said " I know Mama.  Kiki is the bestest, most kindest, nicest Kiki ever!"  Well said my sweet girl.  Truer words have NEVER been spoken. 

She loves the Pokemon shirt Kiki got for her

So much happiness and love

A few hours with Mom

I went to Cincinnati for a few brief hours to visit my mom yesterday.  It wasn't long enough, but it helped me to see her, like a balm to my aching heart.  I may be 35 years old, but being in my mom's presence still fills me with the same feelings of reassurance that it did when I was 5.  I hope it helped her a little to have me there.  My sisters and brother have all done so much during this time and often I feel lacking.  I do what I can, but I know it's not enough.  Thank goodness she has all of them.  I was happy to spend the morning and afternoon sitting with her and my dad.  I was able to make her laugh with stories of the kids and we walked the halls a little bit.  We even Facetimed with Pat, Evie and Mitch.  The kids were nuts as usual, but they brought a smile to both my parents faces.  They don't understand what's going on.  Evie knows that Kiki isn't feeling well.  I told her that right now Kiki has a fever, much like Evie did a few weeks ago.  Evie remembers having a fever and how badly she felt so she can empathize with Kiki.  She asked if there was medicine that would make Kiki feel better and I told her there was and that I'm sure she would be feeling better very soon.  I hope that's true.  Then we said a prayer. 
I won't be able to go back until next weekend.  :(

Thank goodness for Facetime

:( It hurts sometimes

I hate this.  I hate that I can't be there when my mom needs me me the most.  I hate that I have to get updates from my siblings and my dad, but I can't BE there.  I hate feeling useless.  I hate that I have to call my dad and tell him that I can't come tonight because the kids are tired and crazy and Pat's working and the kids need to sleep in their own beds.  It hurts.  This is my mom.  My MOM  The person who sacrificed so much for me and who had always put her family first.  I want to be there and it hurts that I'm not.  I hate that she's sick.  I hate that she's hurting.  And I hate that I feel like there is nothing I can do.  I HATE IT!  I wish I knew what to do.  How to be there for my mom and my kids and my husband all at the same time.  I'm trying to do what I think she would want  - to make her grand-kids as happy has possible.  But I can't help the pang that I feel... she's feeling awful while we are giggling.  She can barely eat while we have ice cream.  I hate it, but I don't know what else to do.  It's what my mom has taught me to do.  To be selfless and to give yourself (as much as you can) to your kids.  It's what she wants - to make her grand-babies had happy as possible.  I've never wished harder that I was closer to 'home'.

Our little distractions

One thing that my kids are really good at doing is distracting me.  There are times where this is obviously not a good thing.  Getting anything done in a timely fashion is difficult.  It probably took me over a half hour to empty the dishwasher the other day because I was interrupted so many times and I ended up filling it with dirty dishes before realizing that I hadn’t finished taking out the clean ones.  Grocery shopping with kids takes twice as long to get half as many items as I really need.  During our last shopping trip, I had to go back and get multiple samples of bread as a bribe to keep the kids in the cart.  This caused me to forget what I was shopping for in the first place which in turn resulted in me circling the store multiple times until I finally gave up and just grabbed random things because the kids starting fighting and trying to vault themselves out of the cart.  Fun times.  :)  It’s practically impossible for me to have a conversation on the phone if the kids are in the house and awake.  They could be quietly watching as movie and the second I get on the phone, it’s like they’ve had seven shots of espresso after drinking a dozen Mountain Dews.  Complete nutcases.

There are those times, however, when I am desperately grateful for the diversion that they provide.  On the days where my anxiety and worry threaten to overwhelm me, I welcome their crazy, wild antics with open arms.  This has definitely been the case lately.  I’m having a difficult time with not being home in KY right now.  I want to be there for my mom and the rest of my family.  I feel helpless and I’m not able to do anything, but sit and worry and pray that everything will be okay.  It’s upsetting and hard, but thankfully the kids get me keep me busy and focused on other things.  This weekend was no exception.  

We took the kids out to breakfast on Saturday to Der Dutchman, am Amish restaurant in Plain City.  The kids had fun sampling the delicious food from the buffet and Mitchell ate his weight in white grapes.  We did chalk and dry erase art in the afternoon and had a movie night that evening. It was good, low-key family day.

Unfortunately Sunday morning wasn’t the best.  Mitch got me up at 5.  Then Evie decided to have a monster attitude and both kids thoroughly tested the limits our patience with their tantrums and fighting.  Things improved somewhat when Mitch took an early nap and we got to rest a little while watching some of the Olympics.  Evie has really gotten into the gymnastics portions.  I recorded some of the balance beam and floor routines and she was so amazed at what the gymnasts could do.  She really enjoyed the rhythmic gymnastics in particular.  She danced around the room and rolled on the floor trying to imitate what they were doing.  I told her that we could help make her look like a real gymnast.  She put on her pink leotard, I pulled her hair back into a tight bun, we got out my yoga mat, and I put on some classical dancing music so that she could ‘practice’ her routines.  She has a ribbon wand so she spent some time looping that in the air, but that was soon abandoned so that she could focus on her jumps and twirls.  She had a grand time.  And I see ballet lessons in her future.  Later, we took the kids to Kohl’s and then out to eat, followed by a few hours at the zoo.  It was a gorgeous day and we needed to get out of the house.  But Pat and I were definitely wondering why we left the house at all at one point.  It’s not that we didn’t have fun – we did.  But towards the end, both kids appeared to lose the ability to listen to us or follow a single direction and they seemed to think that being at the zoo gave them free reign to act like wild animals.  *Sigh*

They drive me bonkers at times, but like I said before, I’m supremely grateful for the distraction these days.   I don’t know the next time that I’ll be able to be in Kentucky.  I hope that it’s soon.  But until that happens, I intend to keep filling our days and evening with activities that make it impossible for my mind to wander too much.  I’m also going to teach Evie the Serenity Prayer in an effort to remind myself of the truth in the words.

 

First Day of 4 Year Preschool

It’s hard to believe it’s back-to-school time already!  Evie is attending school at Linworth Children’s Center this again this year.  She moved up to the Tiger Class and will be going 3 days a week.  Not only that, she’ll be there all day on Tuesdays for a Pre-School Plus program.  The school offers this program in afternoon so she’ll be attending her regular class on Tuesday mornings, stay for lunch and then have this extra class in the afternoon.  We hesitated a little because she is only four and we didn’t want it to be too much for her.  But after finding out more information about the program, we decided to go for it.  It’s still strongly play-based, but she’ll have extra time to work on some skills that she’ll need next year for kindergarten. 

Mitch was so sad that Evie went to school without him.  :(

The start of the school year also brought another huge change for our family - Pat started working nights.  He’ll still have Saturdays off so we will still have some all-day family time, but most days, he will be working late afternoon to close at Barcelona.  Obviously this is not the ideal situation, but it’s what will work best for our family right now.  Last year Evie went to school in the afternoons, but that wasn’t an option this year.   Her new school schedule makes it difficult for me to do drop off & pick-up.  With Pat working nights, he’ll be able to get her to and from school most days, it will reduce the number of hours that the kids spend in daycare and help to alleviate the cost of childcare a little bit.  All we can do is try it.  If we decide that it’s not working, we will figure something else out, but for now, this is life.

He felt a little better spending the morning with Mama and Daddy!!

Evie is super enthusiastic about school and we are very excited for her.  Her class is bigger this year (last year she only had 7 kids, this year I think it’s 12) and, from what I can tell, they will expect a little more from them in terms of learning and classroom responsibilities.  Her teachers, Miss Becky and Miss Beth, seem very nice.  It will be hard to top Miss Teri, her teacher from last year, but we’re hopeful that Miss Becky and Miss Beth will be fantastic as well.  Here’s to a fantastic school year!!

Weddings and Flower Girls

Last month, my cousin Morgan got married and Evie was the flower girl.  Evie was pretty excited about the whole thing, but I think her excitement stemmed more from getting to actually go to the wedding than getting to be in it.  I don’t think she quite understood what was going on most of the time.

She got to go to the Bridal Shower with me back in May.  She loved that it was just girls.  And she loved playing the games (thanks to everyone who let her win the bouquet!). 

The night before the wedding, I took Evie over to Xavier for rehearsal and she met Emmett, the ring bearer.  They hit it off right away and marched down the aisle like they’d done it million times before.  They were so good at marching that they passed everyone up and marched right up the steps to where the alter was.  That got a big laugh.  Dinner was at New Riff Distillery in Newport.  It is such a neat venue!! Pat had just driven down from Columbus after work that evening so he met Evie and I there with my parents.  While we waited, Evie and I had a little happy hour, just us girls.  I relished getting to spend this time with her because it doesn’t happen all that often.  It struck me how old she is now as I watched her nibbling her snacks and sipping her drink.   She kept looking up at me and grinning.  I think she liked having me all to herself too.   I was particularly glad to have to this time once my parents got there and she mostly ignored me in favor of Kiki and Pops.  Dinner was fantastic and we all enjoyed turning our tongues blue with the icing from the Xavier cake.  Evie was thrilled when Morgan gave her silver jewelry box and a heart-shaped locket with her name engraved on it.

The next morning, Evie and I headed over to the Dorsey’s house to get her ready for the wedding.  Evie was nervous around so many new people, but everyone treated her like a little princess.  She got a silky, flowered robe to wear and she got her hair done.  She even got to wear a tiny bit of make-up.  She loved getting her picture taken with all of the bridesmaids and Morgan.  They were so sweet to her. 

Evie couldn’t wait to see Morgan in her dress.  She thought it was the prettiest thing she’d ever seen and she’s told me more than once since that day that Morgan was the most beautiful ‘wedding lady’ ever.  I had one moment of panic when Evie decided to get blue crayon on the sash of her dress, but, thankfully, cooler heads prevailed and one of Morgan’s bridesmaids helped me to flip the sash so it didn’t show.  One of the most exciting parts of the wedding for Evie was getting to ride on the party bus to the ceremony.  She was so happy she was bouncing in her seat, and when the music started playing and everyone was singing, she was in heaven.

The ceremony itself went off without a hitch.  Evie and Emmett did great and everyone in the wedding party looked wonderful.  Unfortunately Mitchell decided to freak out as soon as he saw me so I didn’t get to see Evie walk down the aisle because I was too busy grabbing him from Pat and trying to calm him down.  Pat ended up taking him out of the church for the rest of mass to prevent any more incidents. 

After the ceremony was over, we had a few hours to kill before the reception started so we went to Arthur’s in Hyde Park for some food. 

Then we headed over to The Monastery in Mt. Adams to party the night away.   The kids stressed me out a little during the speeches and dinner because they didn’t want to sit still.  Regardless, the food was really good and, once the dancing started, I didn’t worry as much about them being disruptive.  We’ve never taken the kids to a wedding and it was a little nerve-racking for me.  I was very, very grateful for the help my family gave to us.  They were seriously wonderful and I can’t thank them enough.  We all had a blast dancing.  The kids were hilarious.  Mitch was break dancing and Evie joined in the Cupid Shuffle.  Pat and Evie even shared a Daddy Daughter Dance.  So cute!

It was a great day.  The wedding was beautiful.  The reception was fun.  And a wonderful time was had by all!

Family Vacation 2016 - Longboat Key

This year, we were fortunate to be able to take a family vacation with my entire family to Longboat Key, Florida.  My amazingly generous aunt and uncle recently bought a place in Longboat Key and graciously allowed us all to stay there.  The last time we all went on vacation as a family, I think I was in college so this was pretty exciting – although I have to admit that I had a little bit of trepidation about living with my siblings for a week after not living with them in over 15 years. 

We hopped in the car after work on a Friday afternoon and hit the road. 

And we're off!

I did my best to prepare to be in the car with a two and four year old for 16 hours.  I had games, snacks, crayons, books, movies and even little wrapped gifts to give sporadically to help pass the time.  Even so, it was not the easiest drive and I think we will fly if we ever go that far again.  However, we made it and the reward of spending the day on the gorgeous beach made the drive well worth it.  It was amazing!! 

We stayed right on the beach.  There was one huge balcony the overlooked the water, but almost every window had spectacular views of the ocean and beach. One of the things that I’ve always looked forward to when going on a beach vacation is being able to sit outside in the morning and have my coffee while watching and listening to the ocean.  Sounds silly, but to me it is the perfect way to center myself and start the day.  Not only did I get to do that each morning,  I was able to sit and watch the sunset each night, glass of wine in hand.  Perfection!!

The week was in a word – Wonderful!  We spent the days schedule free, alternating from the pool to the beach and back again.  The kids were little water babies and would stay in the pool each day until their fingers pruned.  We took walks down the beach and found some pretty amazing sea shells.  We built sandcastles and Evie buried herself in the sand.  Although we did go out to eat a few times, Pat and I decided ahead of time that we were going to try and stay in for dinner most nights in order to save ourselves some stress. 

 

Although no one expected him to cook, Pat whipped up some amazing meals and everyone was so appreciative!!  We bought a cake one night and celebrated Mitch’s 2^nd Birthday.  One afternoon, everyone, but my mom, Holly, me and the kids went deep sea finishing.  We took the kids to St. Armand’s Circle for some shopping instead.  Overall, it was a wonderful vacation and exactly what my entire family needed after a rough few months.  When we got in the car to leave a week later, Pat and I both teared up that it was actually over.  Hopefully we can look forward to having a lot more vacations like that in the future!

Happy 2nd Birthday Mitch!

I cannot believe it’s taken me almost two months to write this, but…Happy 2^nd Birthday Mitchell!

 

Buddy Boy – I can’t believe you are already two!  I can remember the day you were born like it was yesterday.  You took us by surprise that day in more ways than one.  You came 10 days early, were born two hours after we checked into the hospital and, since we didn’t know, hearing ‘It’s a Boy” was a little bit of shock.   I wasn’t sure what it would be like to have a son, but I honestly cannot imagine my life without you now.  You keep us on our toes with your boundless energy.  You, my son, do not walk anywhere.  You run full speed ahead into life.  You almost always wake up happy, gifting us immediately with your sweet smile each day.  You give the best kisses and tightest hugs, and when you come up to me and say “Me wuv you Mama” it makes my heart feel like it could burst.  You are loved so deeply by your Daddy and I, and your sister Evie absolutely adores you.  You two can fight like nothing else, but if anyone else tries to mess you with  - look out!  Big sister will swoop in to protect you. 

 

So what are you like at two?  Well, you love trucks, cars and trains.  Maybe love isn’t the right word…it’s more like seriously obsessed.  I’ve never seen anyone get so much joy out of seeing construction equipment out of a car window.  What’s funny to me is that you know all of the names of the trucks and equipment.  I say “Look Mitch – It’s a digger!” and you’ll respond “No mama.  Excavator!”.  You know all about dump trucks, bull dozers, steam rollers and cement mixers, but your enthusiasm for things-that-go extends beyond construction.  If I let you, I think you’d stand in our front window all day watching the mail truck, garbage truck and school buses go by.  You always get excited to see an airplane in the sky or hear a train whistle in the distance. You’ve gotten to ride on some real trucks, the zoo train and construction equipment this summer and you were thrilled.  You might not know it from the pictures though – you were dead serious about it!

 

What else about you Mitchell-Man?  Let’s see… you love storytime and we have to read you a minimum of 4 books at bedtime.  You like to be rocked at night, but at a certain point, you ask me to put you in your crib.  You’ll look at me and say “Mama – me go in my bed and you stay right here”.  You never want me to leave the room.  You still suck your thumb and I don’t see it stopping any time soon.  And you still have a fascination with your belly button, especially when you are tired.  You want to do most thing yourself now and you are so stubborn.  You like to put on your own shoes, brush your own teeth and do the buckles on your car seat.   You’re a good eater, but somewhat picky.  You will scarf down tofu and black beans with rice, but you won’t touch broccoli (or most other vegetables).  I still give you baby food pouches occasionally so that you get your veggies.  You love popcorn, cereal and lollipops, but most of the time you won’t eat spaghetti or pickles.  You talk so much these days and in paragraphs.  The ‘Ages and Stages’ questionnaire that I filled out at your 2 Year checkup said that you should be able to string around 2-3 words together, but you far exceed that.  You know some shapes and we are working on colors (you like yellow and purple).  You love to sing – ABCs, Happy Birthday and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star are current favorites.  You ask ‘Why?’ constantly and about everything.   You’re not crazy about the vacuum cleaner or anything that makes loud noises.  You hate the air vents in the van and we have to keep the ones over your car seat shut.

 

You are a busy boy and you never stop moving.   Pretty much from the time you wake up until your head hits the pillow at night, you are a little Tasmanian devil.  It’s not that you behave badly – although believe me you have your moments.  You are just very curious and you like to make messes.  Big ones.  I can have the whole family room picked up and, in the span of 5 minutes, you will whirlwind your way through, fingerprinting every surface you can reach and getting out all the toys you’ve ever owned.  Another thing that you like to do is follow your sister around.  If Evie does something, you want to do it too, and you two are so competitive.  That’s partially my fault.  I often try to entice you both do stuff by making it into a competition.  Like “Last one upstairs is a rotten egg!” or “Who can put their pajamas on the fastest?’.  Most of the time, it’s all in good fun, but sometimes it turns into a fight, usually over the silliest things.  Like when you argue over who gets to shut the door, turn off the TV or stand on the step stool in the bathroom.  For the most part, however, you and your sister are two peas in pods.   You call her Sissy and she calls you Buddy.  It’s pretty cute!

 

You are definitely a Mama’s boy and I Iove it (although I know it can frustrate your Daddy sometimes).  However, as you get bigger I can see your bond with Daddy getting stronger.  He understands you in ways that I can’t and I look forward to the Father/Son moments that you will share in the future.  You love all of your grandparents so much and have such special bonds with each of them, but you and your Pops are great friends.  You love it when he tosses you up and holds you upside down, and you will follow him anywhere.  You pester him constantly, but I don’t feel sorry for him because he encourages it.  You make us all laugh Mitch and I thank you for that.

  

 

You are loved, Sweet Mitch, absolutely and completely by so many people and you bring us such joy.  Anyone who sees your twinkling eyes and mischievous grin can’t help, but smile too.