Random thoughts for today

I think we’ve been doing ok…mostly.  Life is busy.  We’ve got speech appointments, soccer practices and swim lessons.  School is still going full swing for three more weeks so we still have math homework and reading practice for Evelyn.  We’re working on getting the yard in shape (when it’s not pouring down rain) and we are trying to find a company or person to replace our fence.  There is work and laundry and cleaning – the usual stuff.  Pat is still working his booty off at Alqueria.  I’d say he averages at least 70 hours a week.  He and Jacob are still figuring out how to balance everything, but Pat did get two evenings off this week which was really nice.  He was able to see Mitchell’s swim lessons, spend some time with the kids and enjoy a family dinner.

We definitely keep busy and that helps.  It feels strange not to have this constant worry filling over my head.  I know that my mom is ok now.  I believe that wholeheartedly.  And if I forget, the kids are quick to remind me.  They say things like “It’s ok Mama.  Kiki’s is in Heaven with Aunt Linda.  She’s our angel”.  During a thunderstorm recently, Evelyn told me very matter-of-factly that the angels and Kiki were up in Heaven bowling and having fun.  I remember my mom telling me that when I was little and afraid during storms.  I can remember being little and knowing a storm was on it’s way.  The sky was dark, thunder rumbled and lightening lit the sky in bursts.  We sat, snuggled up with our mom, and she taught us how to time how long it would take the storm to get to us.  After we would see a flash of lightening, we would count the number of seconds until we heard thunder.  We would say “Bologna, Bologna, Salami, Salami”.  I have no idea why we said those words!  Lol.  For every 5 seconds / words, the storm is about one mile away (or something like that).  I’m sure we didn’t time it great, but it took our minds off of being scared.  When the thunder would rumble, she tell us the angels were bowling.  At the time, I think she told us that Grandpa Mitchell was up in heaven having a lot of fun.  Memories like that remind me that she will NEVER be forgotten.  The lessons she taught us and the love that she gave to us is still very much a part of us, and we are passing them on to our children.  

I miss her terribly each and every day.  It can be hard not to let the sadness get to me sometimes.  Some days, I just have to let the tears come.  But usually, when that happens, there will be a sign that she’s there will me.  I was taking a walk during my lunch break the other day and the loss of her just hit me so hard.  I take walks during my lunchbreaks most days and I used to call her to chat and see how she was feeling.  It hurts so much that I can’t do that anymore and as I walked along, tears blurred my vision.  I hadn’t gone very far when I felt a gust of wind and heard a wind chime tinkle in the distance.  I looked up and saw a cardinal perched on a tree branch, watching me.  I don’t know if it was her, but I took a breath and tried to let peace into my heart and remind myself that while I miss her, she’s with me always. 

xoxo