Working mom guilt rears it’s ugly head

Yesterday Pat had a conference with Mitchell’s teachers.  Nothing was wrong.  It was just a mid-term conference to discuss how he’s doing.  I was supposed to go on Tuesday at 3:00, but the kids had snow day and went to Titi’s for the afternoon so I ended up postponing it.  Plus, we’ve been dealing with a stomach virus this week and I already had to take ½ a day off work on Monday and Wednesday so it was going to be hard for me to get out of work early.  When I contacted his teachers to reschedule, they said that they could meet before his 9:30 class on Thursday because they know Pat is there dropping Evie off at 9 anyway.  I hesitated about doing this.  I really wanted to be the one to go to the conference.  It’s not that I don’t trust Pat to do it because I absolutely do.  I just feel this guilt.  I guess it’s because I’m the mom and I feel like it’s mom job to do stuff like that.  How silly is that?!  This is 2018, not 1950.  We are a two parent family.  A two EQUAL parent family.  Pat doesn’t just watch the kids when I can’t and follow my orders when it comes to them.  Well…ok maybe it’s like that sometimes!  Lol.  But seriously.  He’s perfectly capable of going to a Parent Teacher Conference and there is no reason why I should feel guilty.  Intellectually, I know that.  But it still bothers me.  I almost told Pat to apologize for me to Mitchell’s  teachers and let them know that I really wanted to be there.  But I stopped myself because that is ridiculous.  Pat would never have told me to apologize to Mitch’s teachers if he couldn’t go.  He would have just accepted it and moved on with life.  I can guarantee that he wouldn’t be writing a blog post about it. 

It seems crazy.  I’ve been a working mom for as long as I’ve been a mom and I still struggle with this guilt.  I like being a working mom for the most part.  Sure it took me awhile to get there, but now I’m used to it and I like having a life outside of my kids.  It can get complicated sometimes to juggle school schedules and work schedules and sickness and extracurricular activities and appointments and whatever else, but that’s life.  That juggling wouldn’t change if I was a stay-at home mom.  It might be slightly less complicated at times, but having a family means dealing with chaos and complications.  Nothing is ever perfect.

I say all this and yet the guilt still lingers.  I promised myself I’d have an attitude of gratitude this year though so I’ve going to put this guilt aside and remind myself why I’m thankful in this situation.

1)    I have a steady job that allows me to contribute to the well-being of my family

2)    My manager is understanding and allows me to adjust my schedule when needed.  It hasn’t always been this way so I really appreciate that now!

3)    I have a husband and partner that I can rely on and that doesn’t hesitate to step up and help our family.

4)    Our kids attend a great school with flexible before and after care that we are able to take advantage of when we need it.

5)    We have a wonderful support system, especially my mother-in-law.  Since our kids started school, she had been a tremendous help to us, picking up the kids and dropping everything to help us out if we need her.  We’d be lost without her!

 

By the way, Mitch is apparently doing great in school!  His teachers didn’t have any concerns.  He’s social, he follows directions well and he shares.  He is learning to write his name and is getting better at identifying letters and numbers.  They did mention that sometimes they have a hard time understanding what he is saying.  I guess if it continues to be an issue, we can have a speech evaluation, but they weren’t really concerned yet.  He’s still young and it may work itself out.  He loves to talk, but even I don’t understand everything he is saying at times.  I’m grateful that he’s doing so well!

Happy New Year!

Goodbye 2017! Here’s to a new year full of happiness, good health and love.  

Happy New Year!! 🎆🎈🎊 

The butterfly

I got on here tonight to write something.  I wasn’t sure what. I got into my Drafts folder by mistake and came across this.  I wrote it in October, on the anniversary of my Aunt Linda’s death, but never posted it for some reason.  Aunt Linda has been on my mind so much lately.  Christmas reminds me of her.  I wanted to post this because I wanted to remember her.  And to remind myself to not ignore the butterflies.

“There are no goodbyes…only good memories.”

That thought has been running through my head since last night.  I heard it on a TV show I was watching and it struck me how true the statement is.

Today it’s been a year since we lost my amazing Aunt Linda and our hearts are heavy and hurting because we all miss her so much.   But, more often than not, when I think of her, it’s not with tears, but with laughter and happiness.  I feel incredibly blessed that she was my aunt and a constant presence in my life from the day I was born.  I wish we had more time with her, but I am so grateful for all of the years that we did have.  Today I tried hard to think about all of the all the things that I gained with having Aunt Linda in my life instead of all the things we’ve lost since her death.  

 Today, I went for a walk on my lunch break.  It was an overcast, damp day.  Moisture literally hung in the air and I decided not to walk too far just in case it started to pour.  As I walked along the sidewalk in a neighborhood near my office, a monarch butterfly flew in front of me.  I didn’t think too much of it at first, but as I continued to walk, it again flew in my path.  Did you know that butterflies hide when it rains?  Little wonder since they are so small and their wings are so fragile.  I’ve read that even on cloudy days, butterflies are rarely seen because even the threat of rain keeps them hiding.  These facts ran through my mind as I watched the orange and black butterfly flutter into a nearby flower bed.  As I started to continue down the street, another thought came to me - a butterfly is a symbol of resurrection.  “It’s said when you see a butterfly, it’s someone you love in heaven reminding you of them and giving you a reason to remember all of the beautiful memories you shared with them”.  Suddenly, it didn’t seem so strange to see that butterfly.  I spent the rest of my walk thinking of memories I have of Aunt Linda.  I thought about holidays and birthdays spent at the Klare house.  I thought about walking to her house from the bus stop a few times when I was in high school and always feeling welcome whenever I stopped by their home.  I thought about a time I was home alone at night once a teenager and got so freaked out because I thought I heard a noise upstairs.  I called her in a panic and she didn’t make me feel silly or stupid for being afraid.  I thought about how she was the first person that I called after my parents when Pat and I got engaged and about the beautiful bridal shower she threw for me.  I thought about the things I loved most about Aunt Linda – her kind and loving heart and her generous spirit. 

I love you Aunt Linda.  I miss you.

 

My new niece!

I haven’t met this gorgeous baby girl in person yet, but I’m already smitten.  She’s perfect!  

Asa Linda- Aunt Malia cannot wait to smoosh your sweet cheeks with kisses!  😘😘😘

The Train Museum

Over the weekend, the kids and I, along with Pops, visited the Behringer-Crawford Museum.  According to the website, “The regional history of Northern Kentucky as part of the Ohio Valley must be preserved for the benefit of present & future generations. Therefore, the Behringer-Crawford Museum is a center for the collection, presentation, study and enjoyment of our natural, cultural, and visual and performing arts heritage.”.  That’s great and all, but we mostly went for the trains.  Each year the museum has an incredible display of Christmas train in addition to their everyday train displays.  My dad got tickets at an auction and we were all excited to go.  Especially our little train lover Mitch.

The museum was really cool and we really enjoyed it.  It was very interactive and kid-friendly.  They had tunnel underneath the trains where you could pop your head up in a bubble and be “inside” the display.  There were buttons you could press on the side of the Christmas display that worked different parts of it and a lever that made a red trolley go back and forth.  There were some really interesting exhibits outside of the trains showing some of the history of the airports and riverboats.  They also had a restored street car (circa 1892 I think) to view that was pretty neat.  There was a lot more to see than I expected, though we spend the majority of our times with the trains.  Thank you Pops for the tickets!  We made some wonderful holiday memories and we can’t wait to go back!

That time Kiki tried Blue Apron

My mom signed up for a few Blue Apron meals.  She asked Chef Evie to help her prepare one this weekend.  Evelyn helped peel carrots, pour oil and mix spices.  She did great and obviously gets her skill from her Daddy.  This mama sat and watched and helped get the pans that they needed.  I was also in charge of watching a pot of bowling water.  😂😂.  It’s not that I can’t cook.  It’s just not something I particularly enjoy doing.  Anyway, Kiki and Evie had fun and I think Evie learned a lot.  We enjoyed Turkey Ramen for dinner and it was delicious!  Well, at least my dad and I thought so.  Evie and Kiki didn’t care much for it until they added soy sauce.  

Thanks Blue Apron for the memories!

Day 30 - Time

I’m so grateful for this past year.  We had our ups and downs.  There were some really amazing moments and some very, very difficult ones.  But we made it through, and truthfully, I think we are stronger because of it.

 It was a year that I wasn’t sure I’d get with my mom.  But through the grace of God, the wonders of modern medicine and the sheer determination and strength of my amazing mother, we were given the greatest gift you can be given – Time.

None of us are guaranteed tomorrow.  I think we are all made aware of that fact at some point in our lives.  Sometimes, however unintentional it may be, we take for granted those things that mean the most to us.  We naively think that those things will always be there.  But then something happens and we realize that life and love are things that we should always appreciate and cherish because in an instant, they can be gone.  We were reminded of that when my mom got sick, but it hold trues for all people.  Don’t be afraid to tell those you care about that you love them.  Make an effort to call those that you don’t see often and don’t put off things for tomorrow that can be done today.  Big, extravagant things are great, but don’t forget to appreciate the smaller, quieter moments.  Those will be the times you remember and treasure most. 

 These 30 days of thankfulness have really driven this home for me.  I was reminded of how blessed I am and how grateful for each and every moment.  I hope that I can take my own advice, practice what I preach and really live the next year (and beyond) with an attitude of gratitude. 

Below is our Thanksgiving Blessing Tree.  The kids had fun and hopefully learned a little something at the same time.